how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
