Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
