I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
