I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
