So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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