saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
