my mouth tastes like poor choices
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
