Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
