Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
