Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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