I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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