i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize