The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
