What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
