She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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