I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
