i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
