Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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