i would punch a child for taco bell
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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