Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
