my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
