I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
