He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
