Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
