I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize