I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
