you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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