I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
