oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
