bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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