It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
