just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
