dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were trust falling into bushes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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