where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
