My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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