Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
