i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
