ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
