dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
