normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
