She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
