Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
