How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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