Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
