it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
