...so i touched it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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