oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
