My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
