ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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