he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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