So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
