I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
