If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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