dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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