Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
