Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
