hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
