I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
