then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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