well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
