sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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