cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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