do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
