He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
