I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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