btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
