is your mom at the bar?
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
