I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
