So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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