I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
