Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize