wat bout pragnant strippers??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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