Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
