Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize