i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
