Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
