two words: eviction party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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