yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
