I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
